Have you ever felt that God just isn't there anymore?
The last 6 months or so have been a constant battle in me, fighting the thought (which is from Satan) that God doesn't really love me or isn't here for me as much as everyone says He is. Everyday was a battle for my heart and who was going to be at it's core. I have always had a very certain, concrete, no buts about it faith that Jesus was with me always and forever!! And then 6 months ago happened...
One day I woke up and seemingly out of nowhere started questioning everything I had always been so certain of. It was baffling to me, it was scary, and made me feel very insecure. I got on my knees immediately and asked God to protect my heart and mind because I could feel a battle was being started and I knew that for some reason God was gonna allow it, even though I knew HE was going to win it for me, I needed Him to protect me and give me the strength that comes only through Him to get through it! I knew I would learn something through it, but had no clue what this "road" was going to look like!! I did not want to go through it at all! Every day until now came a lie that Satan was going to try and "sell" me to believe. Everyday I literally came home emotionally exhausted because I could honestly feel the battle being fought, it was just in my head for nobody else to see!
Then 2 weeks ago happened...I was driving to work starting to believe yet another lie like every other day, this day the lie was that I was alone and Jesus couldn't hear me anymore. I was pouring out my heart to Jesus asking Him to please show Himself to me right there! By this time I was on the verge of crying and it wasn't even 7am yet! I was feeling very much DONE with this whole fight. In that moment, that exact second I asked God to do something right there in my car I got a bible verse sent to my phone from a friend who hadn't a clue what the last 6 months had presented to me! It read...The angle of God appeared to him and said, "God is with you, O mighty warrior!" Judges 6:12. In that instant the battle was over! It was just gone! No questioning on my part...just peace, and an overwhelming feeling of His love for me!!
Every single day I would ask God to deliver me from whatever lie Satan was trying to get me to relinquish myself to. I would run and have the most raw time being in His presence, struggling to find His peace that He promises us....God always came through and provided the answer I needed right when I needed it! I could not always feel Him, I couldn't see Him. But God said, "have faith," every time in a whisper, "keep going, I am still here! Be strong! I will get you through." I would ask Him to please show me what He was doing, please make it end! He would say, "not yet child, trust me...do you trust me?" I must admit that even though I said yes, I was not happy, or feeling very confident in Him, and felt weary! I needed His strength!
Now that I have had 2 weeks to look back, recover, and praise our Lord Jesus for His amazing love and grace (believe me I needed grace over this last 6 months), I am thrilled to have had that bumpy walk with just Him as my guide, or mostly a guide who was pushing me forward! Had I not had that time, I would not have the most certain faith that HE can and will get me through absolutely anything that gets put in my path! I thought I had that before, but now I know I didn't...thank you Jesus!
Maybe ask how your Faith is...do you BELIEVE/EXPECT that He will get you through the "vallies" and that He walks WITH you through them? Do you trust Him?
Here are some verses He sent through friends to me as I needed them...
"Don't be afraid," He said, "for you are very precious to God. Peace! Be strong" Daniel 10:19
Be on guard. Stand firm in faith. Be courageous. Be strong. and do everything with love. 1 Corinthians 16:13-14
I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. 2 Timothy 4:7
Be encouraged friends :)
